Working 39 Hours in 3 Days
My current job is shining a harsh light on society's failure to appreciate the hard, non-stop, crucial work of motherhood.
Thursday, April 3rd
You’ll have noticed a sudden drop in Substacks over the past few weeks. That’s because I’ve got a new job, and it’s been blowing my mind.
My divorce will reach an end point no later than Monday, June 16th. Then, or earlier, I will learn whether I will retain sole ownership of our family home, allowing me to preserve it for our kids and produce some level of income by renting out spare bedrooms — or whether it will be sold.
As I recovered from my knee surgery (through the winter) and began to consider new employment, I realized it would be grossly unfair and irresponsible to ask an island business to hire me, train me, and begin to depend on me — just to quit, if I am forced to sell our home.
Into this space of uncertainty wandered a brilliant opportunity to give temporary support to a mother dealing with a health crisis and three kids under six (6) while her husband is required to train for three months, in another state, for a new position in the company.
I was thrilled to be uniquely “available” for the exact period of time where help was needed, giving me a chance to be “of use” in my community when many other people who had been stepping up were running into scheduling conflicts. In other words…
…it felt providential.
Caregiving, whether for children, the disabled, or the elderly, is generally a 24 hour a day job. If we count my time away from home (Kudos to my 23 year old son and my housemates for agreeing to manage all of the animal chores while I’m gone), I am “working” 60 hours in a row.
But, when I laughingly mentioned to a friend, “Oh my gosh, I’m clocking a 60 hours work week in just three days,” she automatically said, “Well, you do get to sleep.”
Um, yeah. Okay. Fine. Let’s ignore the fact that I (and the Mom) sleep with one ear open and many nights involve giving a bottle to the baby when he wakes up, and sometimes we’re up with a middle of the night diaper change or a late night awake baby or an extra early trio of wide away kids; you know the drill.
Either way, whether I’m working 39 hours or 60 hours, this is me:
Why? Not because I’m tired. I’m not. The family is awesome and I love being of service to others. My mind is blow «because» I’m now seeing clearly, from a more objective viewpoint:
(1) How much stay-at-home, full time mothers do.
(2) How little recognition we receive from society.
(3) How easy it is for a never-stopping Mom in America to believe she’s still not doing enough.
In three days, my 39 waking hours are spent working NON-STOP. We wake up to full diapers, sometimes leaks and wet blankets/clothes, and bottles needing to be made, followed by meal prep and cleaning, more diaper changes, eating, post-eating clean-up of high chairs and sweeping the floor, next diaper change, problem resolution, cuddles and support, art projects, (oh yeah, I need to brush my teeth…), more meal prep, more cleaning, more diapers, walk the dog, feed the cat, more socializing and problem resolution and learning/play, next meal, next diaper change, nap time, take out the trash, keeping the house quiet so baby can sleep time, clean up, meal prep of frozen meats and whole foods, repeat all of the above, then repeat of all of the above again, bedtime routine, wait an hour for baby to wake up for second bottle, (oh yeah, I need to brush my teeth…), let in the dog, feed/water the cat, empty the dishwasher generally twice a day, discuss plans for the next day and possible packing for Karate or Church or Homeschool, and go to bed (with one ear open).
Notice what’s NOT on my plate, as the 3-day caregiver:
laundry,
vacuuming,
mopping,
cleaning the bathroom,
bath time for the babies,
bath time for myself (I shower before I go and when I get home),
doctor and dentist visits,
homeschooling curriculum development,
watering the plants,
grocery shopping,
paying the bills,
managing the yard,
poop scooping litter box or back yard,
ordering everything that keeps life going (diapers, wipes, formula, etc),
car maintenance,
and the minutia of other things that keep a family going.
Doing this temporary, limited 3-day job has opened my eyes to the TREMENDOUS job I did, for close to twenty years, as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother of two boys, with a huge garden and chickens to manage, a house and vehicles and farming equipment to maintain, the family bills to pay, ALL medical related appointments to manage, and all the rest of what goes into CARETAKING ONE’S OWN FAMILY.
My next Substack will talk about why this “lapse in my self-awareness” for all those years matters.
How women who “chose” to work outside the home in exchange for money consistently diminished what I did, perhaps out of guilt?
How women who “were forced” to work outside the home in exchange for money consistently diminished what I did, perhaps out of envy?
How women (like me) who are “lucky enough” to have the opportunity to focus 100% on their family and their community also consistently diminish and downplay what we’re contributing to society, often working harder and harder, in order to prove they’re not just sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating BonBons.