Reflections on Turning Fifty-One
Not sure about you, but I'm finding mid-life to be quite liberating.
Tuesday, October 24th, 2023
Dear Freedom Friends,
This week, I'm alone in Whistler. That's a good thing. While I love people, and am very friendly and cheerful, I also love being alone. I come up here to focus on my writing. Yesterday and today, I've been going through my laptop, getting everything organized.
Frankly, this means throwing a lot of old stuff I’ve been hanging onto into the trash.
When I turned 50 (October 2022) I met with my new reality. I now have fewer years ahead of me than behind. I won't make it to 100, nor do I want to...
I had my kids young, by modern standards. Román was born when I was only 25, and Jordi was born when I was 28. This means, I'm now the proud Mom/Ma of two beautiful young men in their early (to mid!!) 20's, and they are doing great. Going through all the intense learning experiences one ought to at that age.
To be only 50, with two kids solidly out of the house (although we are an intentional multi-generational household and they are welcome back whenever that helps them fulfill their goals), is a blessing - because it means I have so much more time for me, at the same time that I realize time is so very precious.
One of the best things about having "less time" ahead of me, is that I am far less inclined to spend my time casually. Waste not, want not! This - ironically - gives me a sense of empowerment. I suppose it’s a matter of scarcity. What is rare and hard to find is fundamentally of greater value. And so, I feel like I actively cherish every minute more than ever before — and I am becoming laser focused on what matters most to me.
When I was in my 20's and 30's, I had so much time and energy, I could take on a lot of projects. Now, I have less of both of those necessary nutrients for life. And, while my patience is as firm and warm as ever, my tolerance for wasteful BS is greatly reduced. At this age, I think it’s intelligent to become more discerning and choosy about both what one does…and who one allows into their life.
(1) If you want to be my friend, you need to earn it by being a great friend, too.
(2) I am good at working things out with people, but banging my head against a wall is a waste of my precious time. This means, if I identify a pattern of behavior in another person that's almost assuredly going to continue unabated, I'm out.
(3) This is my life. No one else has a claim to it. Your effect on me can be neutral or positive — if you negatively impact me, we are done. I just don’t have time to waste.
(4) It is important to think, at this age, "What would I regret not doing in this life?" Then, make it your priority and get 'er done!
Every person leaves a legacy behind, when they die. It can be world-shattering and violent, or it can be immensely loving and kind. It can be plays and music and books that the world remembers for centuries (or longer), and it can be the heartfelt memories of your loved ones who miss you every day that you're gone.
Whatever it's going to be, make the decision and do it. Be in charge of your life. Don’t let the currents decide where you’ll go. Swim!
Especially if you are lucky enough to have freedom and control over your time. I am not privileged, because I wasn't born privileged. I am lucky to have met with opportunities and invested my energies into building upon them. The result is that now I do have the privilege to decide how to spend my days!
This is so amazing, it's still hard for me to wrap my head around it. Breaking the habits of building this life, and developing the practice of daily enjoyment of life is an important goal to have at my age. So many people fall into the "rat race" habit and then, when they have "enough," they keep racing! What a shame.
I am responsible for how I shape my life. Every minute wasted is my fault, and every minute well spent is an accomplishment. Even more so, I wake up with a feeling of obligation to make my day the most it can be. This doesn’t mean I’m “racing around” trying to prove my worth to the world. It means, what do I want to do today? And, when I go to sleep at night, how will I feel about how the day was spent?
I am very consciously grateful for two reasons:
(1) It's the best way to live. It feels good.
(2) Who am I to forget how lucky I am? When so many suffer in the world, how dare I whine about First World problems? Someone, somewhere, has it far worse than I do, and so, I make the most of my lucky life — to honor them in their struggle.
And so it goes.
The wisdom of age is a precious gift. I am so grateful to have lived this long, and I hope to achieve my highest and best, my most important goals, in the years shortly to come. Not “later.” No more, will I put off my life.
This is my thought for the day.
And, here's a photo of my huge-hearted son, at the Women's March in Washington DC, January 2017. This is NOT a political statement. It’s just a fond memory of my son and I engaging in the world, witnessing the diversity of humanity, and learning every day of our lives. (He’s fifteen, dressed all in black, taking a photo — see if you can find him.)